GIST: 7 of 365

1. Open City, which may not be in my neighborhood, but is becoming my neighborhood bar.

2. My new camera lens. 28-300, f3.5-6, macro.

3. Marty having his camera so I could play with the lens at the bar.

4. Jen and Marty. I love them and they have kept me sane these past few months.

5. Th 9a Bus being right there when I needed it.

GIST: 6 of 365

1. Having sick days to use again when I need them.

2. Sleeping until 1:40 just because I could.

3. Watching Buffy all day after that.

4. Good cheap pizza across the street and just a phone call away.

5. Going to bed when my body told me it needed to sleep and having that be at a reasonable hour.

GIST: 5 of 365

1. Getting all of the time in by the deadline, even though the attorneys I was supporting tried to thwart me.

2. Joe. Always appreciative and trusting of my professional abilities.

3. That the shuttle to the metro station does not come at exactly 8:00am, but 2-3 minutes after.

4. Eating the last bag of really bad microwave popcorn so I can buy better popcorn.

5. Having friends at work to make the days less boring.

GIST: 4 of 365

1. Going to the garden store for more pots.

2. Planting trees.

3. A clean apartment.

4. Interesting cheeses in the little cheese ends basket.

5. Bell's Porter.

GIST: 3 of 365

1. JREsq coming to Virginia.

2. Being prepared, like a good scout should be.

3. Carnitas at Chipotle.

4. An easy day at the office.

5. Grocery shopping at Whole Foods.

being grateful

One of the blogs I read, Shcmutzie has started doing daily posts entitled "Grace in Small Things" wherein she posts 5 things from that day that have graced her life. She even created a logo!

So I've decided to join her for the year. Starting with January 1st, I will post a list of five things that I am thankful or grateful for. I'm not good at this blogging thing, but hopefully I will not only be able to work on my commitment to projects with this, but become a more positive person because of it.

GIST: 2 of 365

1. Mr. Jordan.

2. overcoming differences and making up with friends.

3. the music that Souza has given me over the years.

4. the pasta sauce made out of whatever happened to be in the fridge turning out well.

5. having enough self control NOT to buy beads at the bead store.

Grace in Small Things: 1 of 365

1. playing games with friends while waiting for midnight.

2. not having a hangover on New Year's day.

3. spending the day watching old episodes of Buffy.

4. a clean apartment.

5. that this a new year, full of possibilities.

RLS as myth

Hmm... As someone who actually HAS RLS, which was diagnosed in a sleep lab, I beg to differ with that opinion. I totally understand the notion that this cannot be a real affliction, that the drug companies have just made it up. I used to feel that way.

Until my RLS started to invade my life.

For about 3 months, I did not get a good night's sleep. In fact, I would fall asleep about an hour before my alarm would go off. This would inevitably make me late for said position of employment. Which in turn made my bosses very unhappy with me.

At times it was so bad that all I could do was pace. My ex stopped sleeping in the bed with me, preferring to get a full night's sleep on the sofa.

I finally had a sleep study done and was told that I have severe RLS and Periodic Limb Movement Disorder (PLMD). I was prescribed Sinemet, a drug used in Parkinson's patients to control their tremors.

The one thing I have never been told is WHY I have this. Why the chemicals in my brain malfunction and cause my legs to need to move. I HAVE been told that this along with my father's Parkinson's means that I am much more likely to have Parkinson's when I get older.

Change

I've been thinking a lot recently about how negative and unhappy I am. Mostly because people have been pointing it out to me left and right. I truly need to do something about this. And my lack of direction in life. I think that they are related. I mostly assume that I am going to fail at anything I do. Thus I keep efforts to a minimum so as not to have to fail. While embarrassment is my most loathed activity, failure comes in a close second.

I am really quite good at it if I do say so myself. Someone asked me recently why I keep taking jobs that I hate and I had to try to explain that my life is about playing it safe and not taking any risks when it comes to things I care about because if I do and then fail it's worse than if I never knew whether the risk would pan out. The only place I ever learned to tale risks was with men. And even there I have mostly become too scared of getting hurt again that I rarely put myself out there anymore. I need to do something about the fear. Because what the hell do I have to be afraid of. Its not like you can find love while sitting on your ass. Or happiness for that matter.