I've been thinking a lot recently about how negative and unhappy I am. Mostly because people have been pointing it out to me left and right. I truly need to do something about this. And my lack of direction in life. I think that they are related. I mostly assume that I am going to fail at anything I do. Thus I keep efforts to a minimum so as not to have to fail. While embarrassment is my most loathed activity, failure comes in a close second.
I am really quite good at it if I do say so myself. Someone asked me recently why I keep taking jobs that I hate and I had to try to explain that my life is about playing it safe and not taking any risks when it comes to things I care about because if I do and then fail it's worse than if I never knew whether the risk would pan out. The only place I ever learned to tale risks was with men. And even there I have mostly become too scared of getting hurt again that I rarely put myself out there anymore. I need to do something about the fear. Because what the hell do I have to be afraid of. Its not like you can find love while sitting on your ass. Or happiness for that matter.
I am a big one for playing it safe, too. But it was interesting when I dubbed 2007 my "Year of Fearlessness" because I pushed myself to do things that made me uncomfortable and that I would usually avoid. And it became a chain reaction that led me to all kinds of good things that made me happy that I would have never experienced or found with the way I used to live. I hope the same holds true for you. Good luck!
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