What it is like | dooce ®

What it is like | dooce ®

So evidently, SOMEONE reads this (hi Natalie)

It's seven days until I turn 32.

I am not OK with this.

I am not having a major meltdown like in 2001 when I turned 25 and nearly had to be committed. But I think that this might be the most difficult one since then. I'm not sure why. Maybe I am finally feeling like an adult.

Or maybe it the same thing as last time. The whole, what the fuck am I doing with my life. There are so many things that I wanted this life to be. That it isn't.

I am no closer to an apartment or house or condo of my own or going to France or Bali or Australia or getting married and having a family than I was in 2001.

But I am trying. I have a roommate who I get along with pretty well. And a job I genuinely like. I'm on meds that are keeping me sane and letting me sleep. I have a boy who, for some reason, thinks I am pretty great, who I am in love with as well.

Maybe it's complacency. I am afraid that the good will disappear and the bad will come back. I really do dread that. There was so much bad for what seemed like so very long.

I thank God for this every day. Just in case she exists.